Affirmations, affirmations, affirmations… they’re not all about repetition and doing them every day. Consistency with affirmation is important, this is true. A lack of repetition coupled with the usual self-deprecating thoughts still running throughout the day means we have little chance of starting to balance and rewire those core, painful beliefs we might have about ourselves.
That aside, the most frequent problem I hear working in mental health is „but I don’t believe them”.
This is unsurprising. First of all, because most of us start doing affirmations because we don’t believe them, but because we want to.
So how do we start believing something we… don’t believe.
One part of solving this dilemma is thinking about if we are too misaligned with our affirmations. Are they wildly off with where our beliefs actually lie? Is our lived experience and how we perceive ourselves highly disparate from what we want to believe? Might there be an inkling of belief in the affirmations we’re saying to ourselves that we can hold onto?
One solution then, is to start with affirmations that are truly believable. Start small and build our way up.
But this is not the only way.
Something we might miss sometimes is that although our lived experience, whilst it’s entirely valid, is seen through a certain lens. Our perception.
No wonder we don’t believe what we’re repeating in the mirror, if how we see and understand our daily experiences does not come through.
The Problem With “I Am” Affirmations
The standard way of doing affirmation is repeating “I am…” in the mirror. And that’s totally ok – if it works for you.
But sometimes “I am” affirmations don’t work because it’s as if we’re trying to reach a destination rather than somewhere we already are.
Waiting for the day to come of when we arrive on the platform and all our affirmations come true.
By saying „I am” affirmations, yes, we are attempting to rewire thoughts and beliefs about ourselves. Rewiring patterns of thoughts and beliefs that have so far, probably been the opposite of these „I am” statements.
But no matter how many times you repeat „I am a dolphin” in the mirror- you won’t transform into a dolphin. It’s more like we’re just trying to convince ourselves that we are.
I realised that we are missing some key wording here. So what do we do instead?
The Brain Hack: “Why Am I…?”
The missing „Why” in affirmations
Why say why?
This is a simple and small change of „Why am I…”. You don’t answer the question affirmation as you say it. It’s a simple switch in your usual affirmation routine.
If we pose our affirmations as a question, as in, „Why Am I…?”, it means „I am” is no longer a destination to get to. We’re not trying to convince ourselves without any evidence.
We’re already there. It’s already existent from right now, from today. But we’re prepping our brain to look for why.
How „Why?” Affirmations Work
It is a smart way of tricking that hard wired brain with its’ set negative thoughts and beliefs to go… „oh yeah, why?”
If we start our day with this, our brain can follow naturally – looking for evidence to support that question.
And where normally look with our perception, we shall find. This is why those background thoughts and beliefs about ourselves can be so hard to change.
If we have a belief, our brain has an automatic tendency to look for evidence to support it.
The Bias From Our Beliefs
This concept is a prominent one when looking at cognitive theories of common disorders like anxiety and depression.
It is called a „cognitive bias”, where beliefs we hold about ourselves are confirmed as our brain automatically scans for evidence confirming the beliefs.
This is why „Why Am I…” affirmations may have a higher chance of working. We are not just repeating statements we don’t believe, we are asking our brain to start looking for why we actually are what we might not believe yet.
We don’t answer the „Why?” affirmation as we speak it. The questions can whisper in our subconscious mind throughout the day to pick up the answers. It’s a very subtle way of shifting the bias.
How „Why” Affirmations Turn Into Our Reality
Practicing „why?” affirmations also sets us up to act in line with the affirmation. If our thoughts are aligned with the answers to those questions, our perception and behaviour follow – a domino effect, if you like.
Example
“Why am I good enough?” → brain starts scanning for evidence → the negative bias shifts toward noticing positive evidence → this leads to more positive feelings and emotional states → the brain subconsciously collects answers that support the belief → old thoughts of not being good enough weaken due to lack of supporting evidence → more balanced and positive thoughts take hold → perception of reality changes → behaviours naturally align with these more positive beliefs → those behaviours create real-life evidence that reinforces the belief: “Why am I good enough?”
How I Practice This
I normally do my affirmations for five minutes whilst I’m walking to work. Rather than using a mirror, I voice record myself saying my chosen „Why?” affirmations with pauses in between for a few minutes.
Sometimes I’m more spontaneous with them and let intuition take over with what I want to ask myself. Maybe I have a goal in mind as to how I want to feel and be that day. I then listen back and in the pauses between affirmations, repeat them aloud and in my head.
This is one simple way we can ground ourselves in the present – by gently shifting how we see ourselves right now, one question at a time. If you do your affirmations as part of a morning or evening routine, check out my blog on how to incorporate grounding herbs to truly get into the zen zone.
I’d love to hear if this small affirmations switch makes a difference for you – let me know in the comments!